The Babylon Bee (satire) Reports: Surprise, surprise — wokeness has spread far beyond our own galaxy. With the long-awaited release of Starfield, the science fiction action-role-playing game from Bethesda, hardcore gamers will now be forced to play a game that crams a big steaming pile of WOKE down their throats every time they play. Truly disgusting.
As an exclusive here at The Babylon Bee, we present a list of new woke features players can enjoy in Starfield.
- You can play as a female character: And she's not even hot. This marks the end of Western Civilization.
- All the female characters are voiced by Dylan Mulvaney: This just keeps getting worse.
- Before landing on a planet, you must acknowledge it has been stolen from its indigenous people: Space is no place for colonizers.
- If you kill a white male, you automatically win the game: We expect speedrunners to take advantage of this.
- Loading screens will now feature AOC giving impassioned speeches about the importance of respecting pronouns: Learn how to do better while you progress the game.
- All spacecraft are powered by wind and solar: Hyperdrives have been banned.
Comments
disqus_Jdqcf8Gxlj
from the old Disqus comment system
Sep 7, 2023
I love the Bee. I do think people are making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. On the other hand, we need to fight every fight. I don't think we can afford to give ground on even these little things anymore, otherwise they're just grow back like the cancer they are.
notwokeshows
from the old Disqus comment system
Sep 7, 2023
After diving into Starfield for an hour, it's clear that the game has embraced a woke agenda. 1) Side quest given from a clone of a man that is currently female, asks you to retrieve something for her … him … it. 2) NPCs are intentionally uglified, especially the females … or what can be considered female for that matter. 3) The character customizer does involve specifying odd pronouns that are genetically non-existent such as "they/them" and such. This is optional, and ignorable. 4) Character customizer allows for male attributes to be exchanged into female attributes, and vise versa. This option (and it is an option, fortunately), is oddly referred to as "Body Type 1 / Body Type 2." Male and female respectively. 5) Homosexual romances are an option. Again, thankfully, they are completely optional.